preservation of IKEA

(originally published September 25, 2019)

Surviving IKEA

basicknowledgeblogger:

xx-sparkle-girl-nanu-xx:

hgk477:

1. Never enter near closing hours.
2. Do not mispronounce IKEA product names. What you summon will haunt you.
3. Do not trust the arrows.
4. Walls shift and new ones appear out of nowhere.
5. Avoid, at any cost, staying after closing hours.
6. Do not ask employees for directions to the exit. Most of them have been trapped inside the building ever since they signed the contract.
7. These once happy and good people have grown spiteful. Do not trust them. They want you to stay.
8. Make the bed after trying it out. It makes them less angry.

In case you are trapped:

1. Find John. He has lived in the store for six years, unnoticed.
2. Avoid eye contact with employees roaming around.
3. Hide whenever possible.
4. The ghost families living in the showrooms won’t betray you.
5. Do not steal any pencils. It will give away your position.
6. Avoid walking through the bed area. The creatures sleeping there won’t appreciate your presence.
7. When music from the 30s starts blasting through the speakers, Walter, the handyman, has noticed you and wants to drive his screwdriver through your ear.
8. Run.
9. He often shouts jokes chasing you followed by the laughter of IKEA personnel echoing throughout the store. Never let your guard down.
10. Open as many wardrobes as you can. Some of them are magic portals. Pray that you find one in time before he finds you.
11. Only go through a portal when absolutely necessary. What you find on the other side is often not pleasant.
12. If there is no other option, try pronouncing the name of the IKEA furniture closest to you. The ground will start to shake. Prepare yourself for the worst.

More guides

• When driving long hours alone
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I just wanted a bookshelf, man

Time to make my next Halloween rpg one shot a survival horror session in IKEA

preservation of Coyote

(originally published on July 10, 2011.)

"Never be afraid to say, 'well, crap, that didn’t work'. It's only when you’re willing to destroy your original idea entirely that you'll progress to a better one. As the writer’s line goes, 'murder your darlings'.

"Play. Play play play. Fidget and twitch and be vaguely maniacal when you're trying something new. Play with prims, learn what they can do, stretch them to their limits and then compress them intensely.

"And, really--be thrilled when you do something you've never been able to do before. (You should have heard my squeal of joy the first time I ever linked two prims together.) No achievement is too small to be celebrated."
~Coyote Momiji

preservation of the glitch (one)

(originally published on July 7, 2011.)



(originally seen on) simsgonewrong:

found this outside my sim's house. stood there for about an hour or two.

(originally seen on) diemetzgermeister:

I’m crying and freaking out

(originally seen on) theonewithouteyebrows:

NOTHING WEIRD EVER HAPPENS IN MY SIMS GAME D:

^&^

Right, I have a new Tumblr to follow.

preservation of punctuation

(originally published July 7, 2011.)



Rawr.

preservation of Arachnos

(originally published on July 5, 2011.)



Pick a sin, any sin!

preservation of cannibalism

(occasionally published on July 1, 2011.)



Originally seen on Oglaf.

preservation of Dead Space

(originally published on June 27, 2011.)



The definition of irony in Dead Space: reading the sign that says "Safety Begins with Teamwork!" when the two people you arrived with are sending you out into the arms of certain destruction so they can stay safe in some other part of the base, you're killing things out of horror movies, and you’re not even sure why you're there in the first place. Other than to save your maybe girlfriend, who might not even be alive at this point.

Oh, yeah. Some teamwork.

preservation of horror tropes

(originally published June 25, 2011.)



"Sure, just let me put down this candle and pull on my high heels. Be there in a minute!"

preservation of abandonment

(originally published June 20, 2011.)



There's a ton of pics out there, all of them deeply tragic, some of them deeply unsettling. Images of Six Flags after Hurricane Katrina.

preservation of Cary

(originally published on June 19, 2011.)



Father's Day always dawns bittersweet. My father died in 1984, of complications brought on by acquiring AIDS. He came down with leukemia in 1982, went to a hospital in San Francisco for a blood transfusion--the common treatment at that time--and, since no one was screening blood yet, developed what was then called GRID as a result.

The only thing I truly resent about his last days is that the hospital firmly denied what was going on. I know their legal staff was panicked, but at the time, this was what we were studying in school. He had Karposi's sarcoma when I went to see him, a staggeringly obvious ailment. But the hospital denied the visual evidence. I didn't want to bring a lawsuit; I wanted him to be accurately diagnosed.

Cary Grant, of course, wasn't my father. But they could have been brothers, easily--the same cleft chin, the same rueful grin, the same width of shoulders, the same half-hooded eyes. To this day, I watch Cary Grant films and my heart clenches, just a bit.

Happy Father's Day.

preservation of sharktopus

(originally published June 18, 2011.)



(originally seen on): anaceofkidneys

PRIDE SHARKTOPUS.

Inspired by matokah's Theme Thursday poll.

ETA: flags, clockwise from center: gay/queer (rainbow), ally (black and white striped with rainbow A), asexual (black/grey/white/purple), bisexual (magenta, lavender, blue), pansexual (magenta, yellow, blue), genderqueer (lavender, olive, white), intersex (pink, white, light blue, pink, white, pink), transgender (light blue, pink, white, pink, light blue).

^&^

Well. Now I finally know what the black/grey/white/purple flags I’ve seen mean.

But what, no leather pride flag? Surely he could hold that between his ferocious teeth?

preservation of Lithium Picnic

(originally published June 18, 2011.)



It strikes me that for all the fetish photography that shows women being tied to things, the really extreme bondage-gear set-ups--like this one--just don't work with harmless girls.

You chain the pretty ones, you bind the pretty ones, sure--tie them to trunks, beds, furniture, walls, floors, each other...and we all know, that's kind of the point.

But get-ups like this suggest something else entirely. This, you do to dangerous girls, girls that bite, girls that scratch, girls that will fight back. You immobilize the ones who strike out. You gag the ones that know the crushing strength of their own jaws.

Willing, not willing, these are abstract concepts at this point. If there's no fight in her eyes, she'll look like a doll. And this woman is not a doll.

Photographer: Lithium Picnic. Model: Apnea. All Rights Reserved, ©2006-2019 Lithium Picnic.

preservation of piercings

(originally published on June 17, 2011.)

(originally seen on) toutpourlamour



^&^
The white lace with those steel curves.

preservation of Warren

(originally published June 8, 2011.)

"Dance like you're stamping on a human face forever, love like you've been in a serious car crash that minced the front of your brain, stab like no one can arrest you, and live like there's no such thing as God."

~Warren Ellis

preservation of protesting

(originally published on June 8, 2011.)



When she has a point, she has a point.

preservation of angry

(originally published on June 6, 2011.)



Had to post this. It’s been making me giggle every time I come back to the link.

preservation of full disclosure (two)

(originally published May 28, 2011.)



(inspired by this

preservation of full disclosure (one)

(originally published on May 28, 2011.)



I don’t match up 100% to this. Thinking honestly of making one that more accurately reflects me. But I believe in a lot of it, and it’s a great, honest statement as it stands.

preservation of waiting

(originally published on May 22, 2011.)

BlogThis!

preservation of Tarot

(originally published May 22, 2011.)



(originally seen on) fuckyeahparanormalphenomena:

Tarot Cards are is a pack of cards (most commonly numbering 78), used from the mid-15th century in various parts of Europe. The Tarot is believed to be used as spiritual pathways.

To get some, here is how you do it. I have 2 sets so far!

-You must have them giving to you as gift only! You cannot buy your own cards.

-You cannot read yourself. You must practice on a family member or just anyone, but not yourself.

-If you want to charge your cards you can put them under your pillow when you sleep to let your cards get the feeling of you or buy charge stone/energy stones.

-Don’t let anyone handle your cards unless you are giving someone a reading.

Types of cards:

-Angel cards

-Oracle cards

-Regular Tarot decks

My cards:

-Tarot of the Sweet Twilight

-Mystic Messenger

(originally seen on) graveyarddirt:

#LOL

^&^

First off, they’re older than that. Some decks go up to 78, some have more, some have less. There are decks that only contain the Major Arcana, some contain both Major and Minor.

Originally, the Tarot was developed less as a fortune-telling device and more as a method of secret communication between learned men and mystery schools, keeping a low profile. Over the centuries, the supposed ‘prophecy’ behind the cards was layered in.

You don’t have to have the cards given to you only. Buy the ones you like. See what resonates with you. Remember, Tarot uses thematic visual language cues; if you don’t understand on a visceral level what the pictures mean, you won’t be able to work with that deck.

You can read yourself. You can read your family. You can read strangers off the street. You can read for money or for gifts or for the hell of it. It’s all practice.