preservation of IKEA

(originally published September 25, 2019)

Surviving IKEA

basicknowledgeblogger:

xx-sparkle-girl-nanu-xx:

hgk477:

1. Never enter near closing hours.
2. Do not mispronounce IKEA product names. What you summon will haunt you.
3. Do not trust the arrows.
4. Walls shift and new ones appear out of nowhere.
5. Avoid, at any cost, staying after closing hours.
6. Do not ask employees for directions to the exit. Most of them have been trapped inside the building ever since they signed the contract.
7. These once happy and good people have grown spiteful. Do not trust them. They want you to stay.
8. Make the bed after trying it out. It makes them less angry.

In case you are trapped:

1. Find John. He has lived in the store for six years, unnoticed.
2. Avoid eye contact with employees roaming around.
3. Hide whenever possible.
4. The ghost families living in the showrooms won’t betray you.
5. Do not steal any pencils. It will give away your position.
6. Avoid walking through the bed area. The creatures sleeping there won’t appreciate your presence.
7. When music from the 30s starts blasting through the speakers, Walter, the handyman, has noticed you and wants to drive his screwdriver through your ear.
8. Run.
9. He often shouts jokes chasing you followed by the laughter of IKEA personnel echoing throughout the store. Never let your guard down.
10. Open as many wardrobes as you can. Some of them are magic portals. Pray that you find one in time before he finds you.
11. Only go through a portal when absolutely necessary. What you find on the other side is often not pleasant.
12. If there is no other option, try pronouncing the name of the IKEA furniture closest to you. The ground will start to shake. Prepare yourself for the worst.

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preservation of Coyote

(originally published on July 10, 2011.)

"Never be afraid to say, 'well, crap, that didn’t work'. It's only when you’re willing to destroy your original idea entirely that you'll progress to a better one. As the writer’s line goes, 'murder your darlings'.

"Play. Play play play. Fidget and twitch and be vaguely maniacal when you're trying something new. Play with prims, learn what they can do, stretch them to their limits and then compress them intensely.

"And, really--be thrilled when you do something you've never been able to do before. (You should have heard my squeal of joy the first time I ever linked two prims together.) No achievement is too small to be celebrated."
~Coyote Momiji

preservation of the glitch (one)

(originally published on July 7, 2011.)



(originally seen on) simsgonewrong:

found this outside my sim's house. stood there for about an hour or two.

(originally seen on) diemetzgermeister:

I’m crying and freaking out

(originally seen on) theonewithouteyebrows:

NOTHING WEIRD EVER HAPPENS IN MY SIMS GAME D:

^&^

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preservation of punctuation

(originally published July 7, 2011.)



Rawr.

preservation of Arachnos

(originally published on July 5, 2011.)



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preservation of cannibalism

(occasionally published on July 1, 2011.)



Originally seen on Oglaf.

preservation of Dead Space

(originally published on June 27, 2011.)



The definition of irony in Dead Space: reading the sign that says "Safety Begins with Teamwork!" when the two people you arrived with are sending you out into the arms of certain destruction so they can stay safe in some other part of the base, you're killing things out of horror movies, and you’re not even sure why you're there in the first place. Other than to save your maybe girlfriend, who might not even be alive at this point.

Oh, yeah. Some teamwork.